Never mind the Soup Nazi, here's the Playground Nazi!

Remember the Soup Nazi? Well, he's now got his own Wikipedia page. But I have someone better. The Playground Nazi.

We often arrive early for school so I can run the kids, filling their little bodies full of fresh air and (hopefully) tiring them out so that I can do this in the hour or so before I have to turn around, bundle everyone back outside for pick-up.

Our Preschool backs onto a Junior school, so there is no lack of kids during the lunch hour. There are the usual dynamics - some sports, some huddled conversations, some chasing, but always a lot of activity. And there are the monitors. First there are the Peer Monitors, in their day-glow orange pinneys. Then there are the adult monitors. Generally, they seem nice enough - parent volunteers, retired community members - you know the type. But there's always one.

The Playground Nazi is a regular. She is a rotund woman and quite short in stature - she is unfailingly dressed in a woolen headband, winter jacket and crossing-guard vest. She has instructions pinned to the front of her vest, and often carries a bullhorn. She is the Playground Nazi.

The Playground Nazi doubles as the No Fun Enforcer. She refuses to let the kids see how high they can swing, or run (rather than walk) along the top of the jungle gym. She always bellows, never speaks, and it's usually a choice phrase such as "WHAT ARE YOU DOING????!!!!" The Playground Nazi doesn't let those kids budge an inch, never mind a foot, in order to safely explore and define their boundaries. Large groups of children are immediately and suspiciously broken up. Boys are looked upon with an "I know what you're thinking and just don't" hairy eyeball.

It's like watching a BC Ferries worker in action - bitter, hunched and desperately needs to leave the party, but neither knows how nor cares to make the effort.

Perhaps she needs to be called in to dinner?